FAILED

you THOUGHT you had me when i responded back. you THOUGHT you had me when you initiated "I MISS YOU". you THOUGHT you had me you started to open up. you THOUGHT you had me when you reminisced about the good days. you THOUGHT you had me when at one point in our talk, it felt like how it use to be between us.you THOUGHT you had me when you had the right things to say. you THOUGHT you had me when i confessed my true feelings from the past months we were apart. you THOUGHT you had me when a compliment was passed along. but you had me when I BECAME SERIOUS and you didnt respond back. THATS WHEN YOU LOST ME. i thought i knew what i was missing, but you taught me to HESTIATE to say NO. because when you need someone that know's you at your best, you dont let them suffer. when you've given up someone while holding your true feelings in and leaving them with no hesitation, it is ONE OF THE WORST FEELINGS POSSIBLE. for them to come back and think that just becasue you've spent years building a wall of greatness with the one that you thought was, YOU SIMPLY CANT GO BACK. you THOUGHT you had me you THOUGHT you had me you THOUGHT you had me easily said that i am over you 95%. the months we were apart i thought i had lost my spirit and grace. but the months that we were apart, I DID JUST FINE.that moment we had of you thought you had me was a "fuck that, that moment will be priceless". so im done hoping for that 5%, you just proved to me that you are "THE END OF EVERYTHING I LOVED." FAILED.

An actual BLOG

So here I go again
about 30 minutes later.
I can't sleep at the moment.
I have all these thoughts
and feelings inside of me
that I want to let out,
but for some reason,
I'm having a hard time
expressing how I feel.
Even just typing it out.

I guess the best way to
describe how I feel right now:

I JUST WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM MY BRAINS OUT.

I feel so irritated for no reason
what so ever.

I guess what was kind of a joyykill
tonight, was the fact that the HOMIE
was drunk and had to mention about
the past.

PAST: "I wish you guys were still together.
That's my nigga,
You're a dope ass chick,
Man you guys were so GREAT together."

After a long night being at work
getting home at 3a
the last thing I wanted to hear
was "THAT."

Sometimes its hard to adjust when YOU
know certain things have been
left UNSAID between two people.
Especially when you can feel
the tension between eachother.
Sometimes its hard when you know
that SPARKS are still sparking
when you see eachother
but at the same time, you just want to
breakaway from them
because ITS NOT WORTH THE TIME.
Sometimes its hard to face the truth.
Sometimes its hard to deal with the TRUTH.

But I guess in the end,
when two people can't realize
there mistakes,
ITS DEAD AND GONE.

Time to face reality.
People change.
Settings change.

its just one of those end of the nights
feeling lonely and wondering
all the why and what ifs.
hate to love it.
what can you do?
EMOTIONS.

you can only hurt SO MUCH.
you can only put yourself through SO MUCH.
you can only MAKE THINGS WORTH WHILE.
its a LOVE SPELL.
it only lasts FOR SO LONG,
SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT.

SPU_BEEZY.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO, IF YOU HAD 24 HOURS LEFT TO LIVE?

FROM AFTERNOON TO NEXT DAY:
WRITE PERSONAL LETTERS TO MY LOVED ONES.GO ON A BREATH TAKING HIKE.DINE AT SUSHI MAC.DESERT AT SPRINKLES.A LATE NIGHT MOVIE.GET A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP.STARBUCKS IN THE AM.RELAXING DRIVE OFF THE BEACH COAST.BREAKFAST AT TOAST.SAN DIEGO ZOO.DINE AT SHI TO RAK KBBQ.VISIT MY MOM.GIVE HER, HER PERSONAL LETTER.CALL MY LOVED ONES.LASTLY, INVITE MY LOVED ONES TO CAFE VERONA 719 AND PERSONALLY HAND THEM EACH LETTER WITH A GOODBYE.